Here’s a fine continuation of Lenten contemplation from this past Wednesday’s chapel, this time from the desk of Adam Perez. His piece originally wove through Dr. Reppmann’s and Jennifer Hill’s meditations on 2 Corinthians 5, where Paul reflects that “whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him.”
It’s hard to be here, because I wish I were there.
I am here at Trinity, and I am engaged to Hannah, who is a student at Hope College in Holland, Michigan. It’s not like I want to get out of doing my work for school, church, relationships, or otherwise. It is just hard to be split. Divided. Halved. To have a heart dislocated somewhere between Holland and “the Heights,” Palos Heights, that is.
As I get situated for an evening at my desk doing homework, my dual-monitors become a collage of programs necessary for the long-haul of homeworking. Microsoft Word stretched across my main screen for writing, my other screen cluttered with the internet, Spotify, and a window for instant messaging – my fiancée Hannah on the other end.
This plain little messaging box is a symbol of my longing to be with her and not here at my desk. A little window into which I stare, longing, waiting, hoping, counting down the days. A life filled with the permanent and the temporal, the certain and the uncertain, the beautiful and the broken – a life of rawness akin to those the Psalmists endure and envision.
How can I be motivated to do my Music homework like trying and tell the difference between the sixty-seven Haydn string quartets? Or worse, to have to just listen to 12-tone compositions at all?
I have grown into my shoes as a person, a student, and as musician while I have been here, and Hannah has grown into her shoes while there. Sometimes I wonder if being at the same school as Hannah would be detrimental to my schoolwork – how much less motivated would I be if we were able to spend the evenings sitting in the library together “doing homework?” Being apart has been very important to our development of our identities.
- Adam Perez