Hey Honors Blogger,
So, like, I’ve been totally following your blog for the past few weeks. So, here’s a question for you: I’m a Trin sophomore, my family’s fourteen hours away, and on Reading Day I’m bored out of my bod. Any advice for me?
Woeful in West Hall
Dear Woeful in West,
I can understand your predicament. Perhaps the wisest thing to do here would be to begin (with apologies to my fellow advice columnist Jeffrey Goldberg in the Atlantic) and concoct a list of things you know you don’t want to do on Reading Day next year. Here’s a list to get you started:
1. Instead of scooters or skateboards, start a new wheelie trend on campus–riding those three-wheeled bicycles so common in senior citizen trailer parks.
2. Call Netflix and fake sob for twenty-five minutes until they give you back your streaming video for free.
3. Buy the new smart-phone app, Memorize the Canons of Dordt in a Month.
4. Design a Survey Monkey to gauge student satisfaction with the available seating in the Smoke Shack.
5. Tweet passages from the Student Handbook, adding brief phrases like, “So true!”
6. Pick a fight with the three-foot-tall racoons that hang out around the dumpsters behind the Caf.
7. Translate the College Mission statement into emoticons.
8. Steal the Troll costume and chase deer on the Trinity Trail.
9. Arrange with Mar-Comm to do a photo shoot of you and your roommates in movingly candid poses on the sky deck of Willis Tower.
10.Hide under the bridge on 123rd St. until the track team comes in from their ten-mile run–and join them for the last 30 yards, running strong, and shouting inspirational phrases like, “No sandbagging now!” and “Let’s hawk ’em down!”
Hope this helps get you started on your Via Negativa. At the very least, you can use this list to act discerningly by means of the process of elimination.
The Honors Blogger